Loss is a universal experience – if we live long enough, we’ll all lose someone. When we lose somebody close to us, we grieve, so grief is also a universal human experience. Even though it is something everybody experiences, no two people experience loss in the same way. Every person is unique, every relationship is unique, every loss is unique and each of us grieves in our own unique way. Grief has been said to be the price we pay for loving others.
Bereaved people will often ask themselves if they’re going crazy, as their whole self may be affected by the loss. They can have physical, emotional and spiritual reactions to that loss, as well as social ones too. In a family, the loss of one member, may lead to other secondary losses. If a breadwinner, dies, the family may struggle to make ends meet. Even within a family, different members will grieve very differently. On the loss of their child, Maeve (the mum) might be unable to stop crying while her husband (Max – the dad) mightn’t shed a tear and instead seems to spend every spare moment in his shed down the back. She might feel that he’s cold and heartless, not realizing that he’s down there making a memorial to their child. He may feel misunderstood and struggle with how to help Maeve stop crying. Each may feel very alone.
Grief can leave us feeling isolated and afraid to share our feelings. Friends may avoid us, not knowing whether to mention our loved person’s name or to avoid talking about them. Others will offer advice on how to get through the grief as quickly as possible. People will speculate about what stage we’re at in the grieving process. We might be urged to ‘move on’, ‘get closure’ or ‘let go’, while the very last thing we want to do is move on in life without our loved one.
In coming weeks, we will explore some of the myths and realities of grief, as well as some ways in which we might support a person in their grieving journey. Much of the information will be coming from Grief is a Journey: Finding Your Path through Loss: by Dr. Kenneth J Doka (2016).
