Sometimes we come across quotes or sayings that make us stop and think. This past weekend I came across one which made me look at it a couple of times to ensure I’d read it properly. What was it?
You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.
As I read it again and thought about it, I realized that it made a lot of sense and was something I’d suggested to many people (particularly students) over the years.
I frequently see students who are having friend issues. As a mother of five daughters, let’s say it came up once or twice in our household. Okay, I’ll be honest, with one girl it came up frequently. Many afternoons, I was greeted by a very upset daughter. So and so was being mean to her again. So and so and friends excluded her. So and so said this….. Like most mums, my response was, “They aren’t the only girls in your class, why don’t you hang around with some of the others?” However, those others weren’t the ‘cool’ ones. (To be fair to all involved, my daughter wasn’t either and she’d say that now.) Eventually, in Year 11, she gave up trying and developed good long-lasting friendships with a couple of the other girls. She was much happier (and so was I!)
When students come to see me and talk about difficult relationships at school, I remind them that none of us can change any other person. Neither can we change what another person does or says. We can’t make them like us. If somebody makes us feel bad about ourselves, we are better off finding other friends. (Actually, the same applies when we’re adults too.)
It’s good to remind our children that they are not going to have deep friendships with every single person. If they struggle to be accepted by some, encourage them to be friendly towards others. There will be others in their classes who feel the same way they do. Smiling and saying hello to somebody different could be the start of a lovely friendship and if not, they might make that other person’s day.
So while the saying is true, a better way of putting it for our children might be,
You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people you choose to be around.
