Last week I defined resilience as the ability to withstand and rebound from serious life challenges. I don’t think anyone would disagree with me that 2020 is proving to be a year unlike any other with none of us being exempted from facing serious life challenges. I also mentioned that one of the best things we can do to help children through this time is to be a caring and supportive parent. I’d like to expand on that a little this week.
During uncertain times, children need regular reassurance. Parents are in the best place to provide this. We need to reassure them about their safety, the safety of loved ones and the like. We can never make any guarantees about these things, but we can reassure them that we are taking the best precautions that we can and that our society is doing the same. Allowing them to voice their concerns freely enables you to discuss those concerns with them and provide reassurance that they are both valid concerns and that you’re taking the appropriate steps to address them. Some children (just like some adults) are more prone to worry, so if your child is a worrier, you might need to provide some extra reassurance.
Maintaining regular routines for children during times of uncertainty is helpful. It may be a different routine from what they’ve been used to, but having regular bedtimes, mealtimes, learning times, playtime and outside times is supportive to their emotional health. We don’t need to be rigid with these, but some structure in their days is important for children. Having particular responsibilities at home enables children to feel that they have a role or function to play within the family.
Emotional regulation is being aware of and understanding our emotions and how they affect our behavior. It also involves learning to manage those emotions in a positive way. It’s one of those vital life skills we develop over time. We help our children enormously if we help them learn this skill. As they voice their concerns, we can ask them how they feel. (If they say they feel scared, ask where in their body they feel it and describe the physical feeling.) Each of us is an individual, so what works for one person may not necessarily work for another. Some techniques include stopping what we’re doing and taking some slow deep breaths (helpful in managing anger and anxiety). Another person may find that vigorous exercise helps calm them down. Play and getting outside in nature are great emotional regulators. Share with your child what helps you manage your emotions and help them discover what helps them. Listening to them is invaluable.
As you support your children, it’s important that you look after yourself too. Next week, we’ll look at the topic of Self-care in some detail.
