Have you ever had one of those awkward moments when you’ve just realized that you punished your child for acting exactly like you? Ouch! I recall (unfortunately on more than one occasion) yelling at one of my children telling her to stop yelling at me. Ouch, again.
Who among us hasn’t felt like saying, “Do as I say, not as I do”? We’ve all heard sayings like: “Values are caught, not taught.” “Your children will follow your example, not your advice.” “Don’t worry that your children never listen to you. Worry that they are always watching you.”
Those of us who work with children are sometimes expected to “fix them up.” I’ve had parents complain that a child is swearing a lot. I can frequently identify the “teacher” as mum or dad drops some choice words into the conversation.
In 1954, Dorothy Law Nolte (a family counsellor and parent educator) wrote a poem, Children Learn What They Live. It is just as relevant today as it was back then.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte.
