“She made me do it!”  “It’s all your fault!”  “He took my iPad!”  What parent hasn’t heard those types of excuses?  Have you ever noticed when we ask our children about something, it’s rarely their fault. If your student attains a poor mark on a test and you question him/her, is the answer going to be, “I didn’t study adequately for it”?  More than likely, the teacher will cop the blame.  How many parents have blamed their child’s friends for a child’s misbehaviour? Have you ever blamed your children for anything you’ve done?  Have you ever blamed the traffic for your being late for work? Why do people blame someone else or their circumstances for their actions? Why don’t they just own up and accept responsibility for what they say/do?

Well, there’s nothing new about trying to shift the blame onto someone else. While our world may be very different from those of our ancestors, our human nature hasn’t changed one bit. In the first book of the Bible, Genesis, we read about the responses of Adam and Eve when God asks them if they’d eaten from the tree that He’d told them not to eat from. The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.” (Genesis 3:12).  Notice how he doesn’t just blame the woman, he also pointed out that God gave him the woman! The woman’s response to God – “The serpent deceived me,” she replied. “That’s why I ate it.” (Gen. 3:13b).  Neither of them was prepared to accept any responsibility for their actions. People have been doing that ever since.

Many children blame someone else to avoid incurring a parent’s anger. They want their parents to be happy with them not angry. They don’t want to get into trouble, and usually want their parent’s approval. They’re often afraid that if they admit doing wrong, they won’t get that approval. Unfortunately, it’s something that people rarely grow out of and blaming others can become habitual and continue into adulthood if not checked. I once knew a lady who continued to blame her mother for her poor choices, even though she was well into her forties and had lived away from the mother for longer than she’d lived with her.

How can we help our children to start taking responsibility for what they stay and do? First and foremost, stop blaming other people or circumstances yourself. If you mess up, be honest and admit it to your child. Own your own choices, words and actions. You’re more likely to gain their respect and they’re more likely to follow your example. When they do mess up (and they will), try to remain calm.  If siblings are squabbling, ensure both take responsibility for their part in it. Siboan may have hidden Brad’s device, but he chose to hit her for doing so. What she did was wrong, but Brad’s in charge of his arm. Notice when they blame others for their actions and call them out on it. By the same taken notice when they take responsibility and commend them from it. Try to ensure that the consequences for deceiving or blaming are more serious than for when they own up. That’s not always easy in the heat of the moment.

We all make mistakes and so often try to avoid accountability. Mistakes often provide us with valuable opportunities to learn new things. By encouraging our children to accept responsibility for their choices, words and actions, we teach them a valuable life skill.