The most important factor in developing resilience in children is family resilience. Family resilience is the ability of the family as a whole to withstand and rebound from adversity. It’s an ability to return to previous levels of functioning following a crisis or challenge.* Even though there’s great diversity in families now, most families still hold onto the strong traditional values of commitment to, responsibility for and mutual support of one another.
Since families influence the way individuals and society function, it’s important to make every effort to strengthen families. Certain characteristics seem to be common in strong families. They are adaptable and flexible and are able to cope with both everyday and unexpected stressors. Members care for and appreciate one another while recognising the value and importance of each person. Each one is aware of the roles and responsibilities both they and other members have in the family. Communication is important and honesty is valued. Members are willing to listen to one another and have learnt to manage and resolve conflicts as they arise. Strong families have community connections and are involved in community. These might include church or sporting groups. Members encourage one another, and they share time together on a regular basis.
Shared family time strengthens the bond between members. Busyness seems to be the normal situation for most families, but no matter how busy a parent is, spending time with children is never, ever wasted. Ideally, a parent will spend quality time alone with each child at least once a week. Taking time to really listen to a child would be one of the most valued things a parent can do. If a parent encourages open communication regularly, a child is more likely to share when they are struggling. They will be more open to looking at ways to solve some of those issues.
Crisis and Challenge are a normal part of being a human being. Disappointing, unwanted and painful things happen in life. Crisis events affect the whole family and each of its members. Where there are strong bonds, family members are better able to encourage and support each other during tough times.
* Occasionally, very serious events occur and it’s not possible to return to way things were. This situation will be discussed in a future article.
