Resilience is shaped by a number of factors including a person’s personality and temperament as well as the environment in which they grow up (family and community). This week, I’ll look at a few things we can do as parents. Beyond Blue, Teen Health and Kids Helpline produce some excellent resources that parents can download and use to help their children in developing resilience. One of the best ways we can help them is to provide a caring and supportive family where they feel safe in being themselves and where they feel they belong. Having a close bond with a competent, emotionally stable caregiver is one of the most significant aids in developing resilience. This person may be a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, or even older sibling to name a few. Children need at least one person in their lives who accepts them unconditionally, regardless of their personality, physical attractiveness or intelligence. They need a close caring relationship with an important adult who believes in them. We can encourage children to build good relationships with others outside the family and these include both other adults as well as among their own peers.
We can’t change the world in which our children live. All we can do is help them by allowing them to experience both life’s joys and successes, as well as its challenges and setbacks. Doing so helps them build their self-confidence along with independence. As parents, most of us don’t want our children to experience problems or difficulties, but in fact when we step in and try and solve everything or rescue them, we deprive them of learning some of life’s most important lessons. Life is full of changes with some being welcome and some most definitely not. Change and challenge present us with opportunity for growth and the development of resilience. (Of course, there are occasions, where we might need to step in, but only after we’ve explored the whole situation carefully.) In a future article, we will look at some problem-solving strategies and other important life skills.
Helping children learn to identify, express and manage their strong feelings or emotions contributes greatly to their well-being. Encouraging them to talk about them at a young age helps immensely. It’s important not to criticize or belittle a child’s description of his/her feelings. If a child comes home and angrily states that s/he hates their teacher – we don’t do that child justice if say something like, “You mustn’t hate your teacher!” (Neither do we do justice if we criticize the teacher.) A better approach is to acknowledge that your child seems angry, and be curious about why. Often times, talking about what’s happened, and looking at both sides together helps your child put things into a better perspective. This also contributes to helping the child develop better communication skills, another important factor in developing resilience.
Next week, I’ll look at how families might develop resilience.
