The Year Five students have been learning to ‘Show, rather than Tell’, with their writing. This is a technique that writers use to create a clear picture in the reader’s mind. 5R enjoyed doing some buddy writing to try and improve some sentences that tell.
Telling: It was a stormy night.
Showing:
- I was shivering under my blanket as I heard hail hitting my roof and thunder outside. When I looked I saw a tornado rolling in. The sky was turning pitch black and I couldn’t even hear my own thoughts.
(Elijah and Nathan A)
- My ears were ringing and the ground was vibrating. The sky turned white as the lightning struck the ground. The thunder made my ears pop. When there was no lightning the sky was pitch black.
(Brayden and Eli)
- It was dark and gloomy, the rain was ferocious, and loud bangs frequently happened as white light struck the ground.
(Moses and Jayden)
- The sky was black as I saw flickers of lightning and heard a big boom. Rain started bucketing down as it turned into hail. You could still hear the pitter patter of rain as the lightning struck.
(Aileen and Eva)
- Thunder struck as the rain hailed down. I could barely see the moon and stars. I could not see a couple of metres in front of me.
(Nate and Seth)
- Thunder boomed and lightning cracked as I leapt from my bed. It was too loud for me to sleep. As I looked out the window my neighbour’s house was struck by lightning.
(Emelia and Lola)
- I heard rain banging on the roof at 8pm. Dave was scared of the lightning and thunder at 8:37pm.
(Immanuel and Jenson)
- There were dark clouds, the bushes were rustling and palm trees were swaying over you. Wind was whistling and blowing leaves everywhere. (Aleck and Jack)
.
Telling: The cake was delicious.
Showing:
- I have chocolate all over my face and I loved the taste.
(Immanuel and Jenson)
- Johnny licked his lips as he tasted the chocolate. Johnny’s tummy rumbled and grumbled as he demanded more chocolate cake. His mother said, “There’s no more cake Johnny, you ate it all?”
(Brayden and Eli)
- A scrumptious, double chocolate cake with frosting sat in front of my beady eyes.
(Moses and Jayden)
- I licked my lips as I put a spoonful of cake in my mouth. As I stuffed in the chocolate cake, my stomach growled as it was hungry for more.
(Aileen and Ananya)
.
Telling: It was an exciting day.
Showing:
- I was jumping up and down as I couldn’t wait till the theme park.
(Wyatt and Nathan)
- I was jumping for joy as I looked at my calendar full of events. It’s my birthday. I have a party planned with everyone coming, so more presents. (Nate and Seth)
- I jumped with joy as I smiled so big. I could have fit a watermelon in my mouth.
(Claire and Avah)
.
Telling: She was so sad when she lost her puppy.
Showing:
- A tear rolled down her cheek and she slumped her shoulders. She looked down at her toes as her faced turned red. Sarah’s eyes puffed up as she took a deep breath.
(Aileen and Eva)
- I went looking everywhere with tears in my eyes, starting to get worried. Then I realised my dog was GONE!
(Aleck and Jack)
- Tears rolled down her cheeks as she called her puppy’s name. She ran across the backyard looking for her puppy. May ran into the house and asked her parents if they had seen the puppy.
(Shahad and Crystal)
- Tears were falling down her cheeks as her face turned red with anger and sadness. Her little puppy disappeared. As she looked through the whole town, restaurants, shops and under the car, but she didn’t find her puppy anywhere.
(Evie and Lillymace)
.
Telling: The garden was beautiful.
Showing…
- The roses shone in the sunlight as the sprinklers bathed the garden.
(Shahad and Crystal)
- The roses bloomed as I walked past the daisies smelt amazing. Vines climbed up the wall as I looked up, with dazzling flowers.
(Emelia and Lola)
- As soon as I opened the backyard door my eyes were blinded by the spectacularness of the garden. The flowers were covering the garden from top to bottom.
(Evie and Lillymace)
