When your child says, ‘I hate you’, it can be a confronting experience for any parent. In this video, Educational Specialist Chazz Lewis offers valuable insight into what is happening for a child in these moments and provides practical strategies for how parents can respond in a way that builds connection and emotional intelligence. Watch the 5-minute video here.
Key Takeaways:
- When a child says something like “I hate you,” it’s often a sign of deeper feelings like frustration or embarrassment that they are struggling to express.
- The first step for an adult is to stay calm and manage their own emotional reaction. This helps to co-regulate the child and creates a safe space for communication.
- Approach the situation with curiosity, not judgement. Ask questions like “What’s going on?” to understand the root cause of their feelings.
- Validate their emotions by acknowledging what they are feeling (e.g., “That sounds really frustrating”). This helps them understand and process their own emotional experience.
- Learning to sit with difficult emotions, rather than reacting impulsively, helps children develop emotional intelligence and communicate their feelings more constructively in the future.
Try It This Week
This week, when your child expresses a strong emotion like frustration, practise pausing before you respond. Take a quiet breath to calm yourself, then approach them with curiosity. Try saying something like, “It sounds like you’re feeling really frustrated. Tell me what happened.” The goal is simply to listen and create a space for their feelings so you can understand what is truly going on for them.
If you would like any further support, please feel free to contact the school counsellors by emailing counsellor@mueller.qld.edu.au.
