— Watch the full video here by Chazz Lewis —

Many parents have experienced the frustration of forcing a child to say “sorry” after a wrongdoing, only for the apology to feel hollow and meaningless. This approach often teaches children that an apology is merely a tool to escape consequences, rather than a genuine expression of sorrow and heart change. To foster true empathy and accountability, it is important to reconsider how we teach children about apologising.

The first step is to avoid forcing apologies. A coerced apology lacks sincerity and does nothing to repair a relationship or teach a valuable lesson. Instead, it demonstrates that saying certain words can resolve a conflict without any real emotional investment. A genuine apology stems from the acknowledgement of wrongdoing and feeling of sorrow for one’s actions. It is a skill that many adults struggle with, and teaching it effectively requires patience and modelling.

An apology is not just about resolving a moment of conflict; it is a crucial component of learning to take accountability for one’s mistakes. Another key element of a sincere apology is the commitment to future action. It involves discussing what will be done differently next time a similar challenging situation arises. This shifts the focus from a simple “I’m sorry” to a constructive plan for better behaviour and skill development. Teaching our children how to apologise is also a crucial spiritual practice linked to repentance. As parents seeking to fulfil Proverbs 22:6, teaching our children to turn away from their wrongdoing and to seek forgiveness and reconciliation is an important part of their spiritual development.

Key Takeaways
* A genuine apology should not be forced; it must be a sincere expression of remorse for the wrongdoing
* A true apology includes a commitment to turn away from the wrongdoing
* The most effective way to teach children about genuine apologies is by modelling the behaviour ourselves.
* When apologising, avoid using “but” to excuse your actions or blame the other person. Justifications invalidate apologies.

Reflection Challenge:

Do your children see their parents make genuine apologies?

If you would like any further support, please feel free to contact the school counsellors by emailing counsellor@mueller.qld.edu.au.