123 Magic is a parenting program created by clinical psychologist Thomas Phelan. It is a program with three main components for calm, effective and happy parenting. These includes managing negative behaviours, encouraging positive behaviours, and strengthening the relationship with your child. Today’s article is based on how the program teaches parents to manage dinner time with their children.

Dinner time is meant to be a wonderful occasion for relationship building, enjoying each other’s company, and listening to how everybody’s day has been. However, many families struggle at dinner time, what is meant to be an enjoyable shared meal can sometimes turn into all out war! Here are some expectations that can be helpful to keep in mind when you prepare for dinner.

Six expectations and rules for dinner time:

Don’t take it personally
1. You are not your home cooked meal, so when your child screws his nose up at the meal try not to take offence to it.
Avoid using food as punishment or as bribes
1. Saying to children that they can have ice-cream if they eat all their broccoli can inadvertently label broccoli as a chore and ice-cream as a reward.
Gradually introduce but don’t force
1. Some experts say that some children will need as many as 15-20 exposures of foods like vegetables before they give it a taste
2. Predictability is essential for children’s development and the taste of fruit for example can vary from farm to farm, season to season. Therefore, some children will dislike the unpredictable nature of some fruits like oranges and strawberries.
3. A big serving of a disliked food can be overwhelming. One idea is to serve your child a very small portion of the foods they don’t like to introduce it in a more psychologically manageable way. For example, 3 peas instead of 20.
Introduce the 3 min per year rule
1. Not hungry two-year olds can sit at the table for about 6 minutes, not hungry three year olds about 9 minutes. Expecting more may get you in a pickle.
2. Hungry kids will be more likely to sit for longer, so make sure they are hungry for dinner
No eating 1.5 hours to 2 hours before dinner time
1. Your kids may not like it but it will help them eat more of their dinner rather than filling up on snacks.
3 out of 4 rule
1. Make a deal with your child that if he or she wants dessert, then 3 out of the 4 items on the plate needs to be eaten. This ensures the child has some choice about what must be eaten (they love that).