We all face adversity of varying degrees throughout our lives, regardless of who we are, our age, wealth, education, and background etc. Surprisingly, the outcomes from adversity are not all negative and in fact there can be positive ones. I recall reading about a young athlete who was left paralysed from the waist down after a serious car accident. His comment was one that stuck with me. “It didn’t ruin my life, it just changed my circumstances.” Some characteristics that we may develop include stronger spirituality, compassion, empathy, appreciating health, and enjoying life to name a few. Often our worst times can bring out the best in us as we rise to meet the challenges. So often we’ve seen good come out of people’s devastating loss. We only have to think of the community work of people like Bruce & Denise Morcombe and Rosie Batty.
Nothing is cast in stone because of our early life experiences. This can be a real encouragement for parents if their children are undergoing serious challenges. Resilience can be developed at any point over our life course and everybody has the capacity for resilience. Resilience develops from the interaction between both our individual lives (our personality and temperament) and environmental factors. In the west we have a highly individualised concept of self (we tend to be centred on self). However most cultures view the person as being part of their larger community. We are all relational beings and do need one another. We have been created that way. Encouraging children to develop strong relationships with both adults and children fosters the development of support networks and resilience. I cannot emphasise this enough. If we are the only important adult in a child’s life and something happens to us, it’s even more difficult for that child. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, close family friends can help fulfil this role.
There are skills we can develop that help us weather troubled times better. These same skills enable our children to grow too. Protecting our children from experiencing difficult times can hinder their development of important life skills that foster resilience. Walking with them through those times and encouraging and supporting them are far more effective than removing them from the situation, or trying to solve everything for them.
One of the most important things we need to realise and remember is that resiliency is a process that develops over time. It’s not something that happens overnight.
Mueller Community Church is hosting a Parenting Seminar by Meryem & Greg Brown on “Building Resilience in ourselves and our kids” on Saturday 16 June on Level 2 at MPAC. Please refer to MCC website for further details.
