Last week, we started to look at some of the things that we as parents might do to minimise the risk of our children developing mental health issues. Victoria Prooday’s article The Silent Tragedy Affecting Today’s Children* lists what she believes to be the fundamentals of a healthy childhood and these include:
- Emotionally available parents
- Clearly defined limits and guidance
- Responsibilities
- Balanced nutrition and adequate sleep
- Movement and outdoors
- Creative play, social interaction, opportunities for unstructured times and boredom
Children do not have the experience or capacity to rule the family and need guidance and clearly defined limits. It’s up to parents to set the rules. It can be really difficult at times, but well worth putting in the effort. While we think we want to be ‘friends’ with our kids, what they need are parents, not friends. Being the parent during the growing and teen years opens the door to rich and valuable friendships when children reach adulthood.
I know a family where the parents say that their three children refuse to eat fruit and vegetables and will only eat junk food and drink soft drink. Since their children are young, they are in a position to fix that by not purchasing any junk food. The children only eat it because that’s what the parents buy. Sadly, they aren’t providing balanced nutrition for those children. Years ago, I heard an interview with our longest serving premier, Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen about what his mother did about meals. If he didn’t eat his dinner, he was offered no other options and the refused meal was dished up for him for breakfast. If he didn’t eat it then, out it came again. He said that he learnt at an early age to eat whatever was placed in front of him. It sounds harsh, but I’m sure it made life easier for the whole family in the long run. I cannot emphasise enough the value of technology free family meals. Sitting around a table and sharing an unhurried meal together offers a place for all members to contribute to the conversation.
All of us regardless of age need adequate sleep to function. Children should not have any digital devices in their bedrooms at night ever. The temptation to have a quick peek at something is too great and all of us know how quickly that moment can turn into an hour. Sleep experts are now saying that none of us should be using digital devices in the couple of hours leading up to bedtime. This can be a tough one to enforce, but again, parents need to be the ones to make the call.
All family members ought to have some responsibilities within the family. Obviously, these need to be age-appropriate, and children need to be trained. Ideally, we tell them what we want them to do, show them how to do it, have them do it with us and then try on their own. Having some responsibilities gives children a sense of belonging rather than a sense of entitlement. Children need to be aware too that parents have certain boundaries. If a child wants our attention and it really isn’t suitable, we can let them know that, but should offer to attend to them soon. The important thing is to make sure that we follow up on that offer. We want our children to feel that we can be trusted. Setting and enforcing rules can be tough, but not having any limits is far tougher for our children.
* https://faithit.com/silent-tragedy-affecting-todays-children-victoria-prooday/
