Insecurity is one of those feelings we all experience at some time in our life. It can be a hard one to describe. We might feel a shadow of uncertainty, slightly anxious, unsure of whether we can trust ourselves or just a general uneasiness. It’s not one of those emotions that we really want to share with others either and in reality many people act out to hide it from others. Insecure people may come across as being arrogant; selfish; overly critical of others; defensive; blaming others or being jealous.
Insecurity develops for a number of reasons. We all have shortcomings and flaws – not one of us is perfect, nor do we know everything. However, we may feel that everybody else does. This can be a big one for children. In the past, we may have experienced stressful situations, been disappointed or let down by someone close to us. A person might expect perfection of him/herself, and when that isn’t attained, decide they’ve failed or they’re not good enough. Having unrealistic expectations may contribute to a person’s insecurity, when the actual reality and imagined reality differ greatly.
While living with insecurity is an underlying emotion for many, we don’t have to let it define us (or our children’s lives). Taking some small steps can make a huge difference. Practice self-acceptance where we accept who we are and not who we think we’re supposed to be. As mentioned above we all have flaws, but so does everybody else. We are often far kinder to other people than we are about ourselves and are likely to be our harshest critics. We might try to tame that inner critic. I find it helpful to ask myself if I’d say ‘that’ to a friend in my situation. If I wouldn’t, maybe I shouldn’t say it to myself. It helps to stop comparing ourselves with others. We have no idea about everything that’s happening in another’s life and certainly have no idea how they are feeling. One of the most gifted speakers I knew used to be plagued by feelings of insecurity to the point where he’d be physically sick.
Identifying our insecurities is helpful as it enables us to truly assess our situation, confront any fears and take whatever steps we need to take to move on. We may need to accept that in a given situation, we might feel insecure and that’s okay. God doesn’t expect perfection from us or our children and neither should we.
